Are you losing yourself while people pleasing?

by rhonda on October 19, 2014


For those of you on my email list, did you notice anything different last week?  I’m trying out a new system of just including my entire blog post in your email instead of you clicking over to my website to read through it all.  I’ve thought about doing it forever and then little by little I’ve noticed my colleagues changing to the same format so I decided to try it as well.  I’m always the last person to jump on a bandwagon because I overthink everything.  Anyway, let me know how you like this format.  I’ll still put up links for quick access to my website for you in the emails.  I just wanted to make things a bit easier for you.

If you’re not on my email list, just hop on over to the box that you see in the top right hand corner and sign up to get access to the free Laughing the Body Alive workshop while it’s still available.  It’s only up there for a short while longer and will go back on sale permanently in my store.  Grab it while you can!


I’m going to hit on a topic that is really hard for me and I bet you’ve probably had some issues with it at some point in your life or perhaps you may even be a lifelong people pleaser like me?  Let’s get to work on that shall we?

I am a recovering people pleaser.  I was born this way and it has been one of the hardest things in my life to overcome. Very hard.

I have always put others needs before my own. 

I’ve always said “yes” even if it was an impossible “yes.” 

I’m the person that consistently volunteers for everyfreakingthing because I feel obligated.

I’m the best person to have on your team for a group project because I’ll work my butt off.  My team mates have always loved me for that.

I spend money I don’t have to help people.  Because someone should be helping, right?

I’ve given away workshops and food to help people better their health only to end up very broke and feel very taken advantage of.

Why?  Why do I do this?  Why do you do this?  What does this accomplish really?


Let me answer this from my perspective.  I’m sure you’ve got some great answers on your own and trust me I would LOVE to hear them.


I have been a recovering people pleaser because I don’t value myself enough.


Damn.  That hits like a sledge hammer. Seriously.

It’s not because I am so anxious for everyone to like me.  That has never been an issue for me.  I’m quite aware that everyone doesn’t like you.  You can piss off the world just by breathing.  I’ve received hate mail because I’ve donated a Laughter Yoga workshop to help cancer patients and yet charged for other events.  This is my profession.  I work very hard at what I do and I don’t expect anyone else to show up at their job for free.

I’ve never been interested in winning a popularity contest.  I don’t have that great of need for recognition.  In fact, I’m perfectly happy to be hidden in a corner.  I just simply am fine with that.

However, when push comes to shove, I just cave.  I LOVE people.  I don’t want to disappoint people I care about.  But I have had a hard time extending that same type of love and care to myself.

I. Don’t. Value. Me.


One of my greatest lessons in life has been this;  if you don’t value yourself, no one else will either. 


Have you ever thought about that?  Have you ever had to learn the same lesson?

I am changing a little at a time.  I’ve taken so many steps to release this from my life since the start of this year.  I’ve given myself many more opportunities to please little ole me. And it’s been fun!

I really stepped out of my comfort zone in my business.  And it’s growing, baby!  I produced Leveraging Intention and I’m in the process of putting together another program.  I’ve been requested for more speaking events.

How did this change?  I started valuing my own work.  I started respecting myself.  I started treating myself  as if I were every bit as important as everyone else. I started making sure fun for me was on my priority list.  (Crazy, I know?  I’m a huge goofball,  but I got too wrapped up in learning the ropes of business.  It sucked the joy right out of me.)  I still slide backwards, but I’ve come a long ways.

I’m expanding and I want to take you with me.

I want to leave you with this gorgeous quote I have found that I love.  You can even print it out and hang it somewhere for a reminder.  Just click on the picture for a printable copy for yourself.




Here’s a quick heads up for those of you that are fans of Spirit Mist Smokeless Smudge.  If you have purchased through my Etsy store in the past you may already be aware that my prices are soon to be going up.  I sent out a message notifying my customers there and I wanted to share it with you here as well.  I will not go up on the current stock that I have, but once it is sold out the prices will rise due to my costs going up.  I refuse to give my customers any less than the absolute best and want to continue to serve you the same fantastic quality that you already experience.  It’s because I love you. 

Just for giggles, here’s an adorable picture that was sent to me today by Suzanne Gray of www.roamingarts.come.  This is her puppy, Lucky, who seems to rather enjoy his Spirit Mist experience.  Can we all say awwwwwwwww?


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Taryn Pyle October 20, 2014 at 1:46 pm

Dear sweet friend. What a wonderful post. I like you am a people pleaser. Perhaps a reformed one? I decided a while back that I like being this way provided I don’t ever feel take advantage of, provided its a gift I want to give to the world and the people in it. I see how you love on people, I have been a recipient, and I feel its a wonderful part of who you are. So keep on giving when you want to, as long as it doesn’t tire you out, make you feel taken advantage or, and as long as you do charge for what you are worth when you want to! PRICELESS.

rhonda October 20, 2014 at 3:08 pm

Thank you so much for your sweet comments Taryn. I simply adore you!

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